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Myka Hanson, Ph.D.

Raising a Resilient Teen in an Instant Gratification World

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Raising a Resilient Teen in an Instant Gratification World

Why Resilience Feels Harder for Today’s Teens

You’ve probably heard it: “This generation just isn’t as resilient.”

The truth? Resilience isn’t missing in Gen Z and Gen Alpha—it’s underdeveloped. And it’s no wonder. Today’s teens are growing up in a world of instant feedback, fast rewards, and constant stimulation. From one-click purchases to streaming gratification to viral social trends, everything happens now.

That doesn’t leave much room to build patience, persistence, or emotional regulation—all key components of resilience.

But, raising a resilient teen is absolutely possible. It requires a shift in how we support them. The good news about this is resilience is something that we as adults need to practice as well; it’s not a one-and-done sort of deal. As you’re supporting your teen in learning how to be resilient, it’s likely you’ll find your own resilience getting stronger.

What Resilience Really Means

Resilience isn’t about pushing through everything with a smile. It’s not about being “tough” or unaffected by emotion.

Resilience means that when difficulties happen in life we can recover from those difficulties; the difficult things don’t destroy us.

Raising a resilient teen means helping them:

  • Navigate discomfort without shutting down
  • Recover after failure or rejection
  • Delay gratification and keep going toward a longer-term goal
  • Problem-solve instead of panic
  • Know they are capable of getting through hard things

Resilience isn’t something teens are born with—it’s something they learn, with practice.

The Impact of Instant Gratification

Instant gratification isn’t inherently bad. It’s part of the modern world, and teens are immersed in it from the moment they can swipe.

But too much of it can disrupt key skills:

  • Waiting becomes intolerable
  • Discomfort feels unbearable
  • Frustration leads to quitting instead of problem-solving
  • Emotional reward systems become overstimulated

This leads to low frustration tolerance, avoidance behaviors, and emotional fragility.

Helping your teen build resilience means gently pushing back against the pull of instant relief.

Ways to Build Resilience at Home

You don’t need to create unnecessary hardship for your teens, present obstacles, or point out areas of difficulty. Small, consistent changes can make a big difference.

Try these strategies:

  • Celebrate effort over outcome. Shift focus from success to persistence.
  • Allow natural consequences. Don’t rescue from every struggle—let them learn from it.
  • Name the hard moments. “I know this feels frustrating. That’s okay.”
  • Teach micro-delays. Start with small wait times or tasks before rewards.
  • Create screen-free boredom space. Boredom often leads to creativity, patience, or self-reflection.
  • Model your own resilience. Narrate how you handle stress, setbacks, or challenges.

The goal isn’t to make life harder—it’s to show your teen they can handle more than they think.

How Coaching Helps Teens Build Emotional Strength

At Teen Forward, we focus on building real-world resilience—not just surface-level motivation. Through coaching, teens practice:

  • Goal-setting and sticking with things over time
  • Facing discomfort without quitting
  • Reflecting on mistakes without shame
  • Communicating what they need without blame
  • Normalizing the full spectrum of feelings

We work with teens who are tired of giving up, afraid of failure, or unsure how to manage stress. And we support parents in reinforcing those growth skills at home.

Raising a resilient teen in today’s world isn’t about fighting against the culture—it’s about balancing it with intentional support.

Final Thoughts

Resilience isn’t outdated—it’s just harder to build when everything feels immediate. By helping your teen slow down, reflect, and recover from challenges, you’re giving them tools that will last a lifetime.

You don’t need to protect them from every hardship. You need to walk beside them as they learn they can survive it.

Teen Coping Skills: How to Tell if Your Teen is Coping or Just Avoiding

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Why Teen Coping Skills Matter More Than Ever

Teens today face an incredible amount of pressure—socially, academically, emotionally. While it’s normal for them to have ups and downs, how they respond to stress is a major indicator of their emotional health.

As a parent, it can be difficult to tell the difference between a teen who is using coping skills to manage their stress, and one who is simply avoiding it altogether. Understanding the difference is key to helping your teen build lifelong resilience.

This post will help you recognize true teen coping skills, identify signs of avoidance, and offer guidance on how to support your child’s growth.

What Healthy Teen Coping Skills Look Like

When teens are coping in a healthy way, they’re using tools and strategies that help them regulate, reflect, and recover—emotionally and mentally.

Common healthy teen coping skills include:

  • Journaling or writing to process emotions
  • Physical movement or exercise to release stress
  • Talking with a trusted adult or peer
  • Engaging in a creative activity (art, music, etc.)
  • Practicing mindfulness, breathing techniques, or quiet time
  • Acknowledging their emotions without being overwhelmed by them
  • Reflecting on mistakes and “oops” moments
  • Speaking of the future: “When I graduate,” “Someday,” “Next year,” etc.

Coping doesn’t mean “getting over it” right away. It means facing hard things with intention, not avoidance.

Signs Your Teen Might Be Avoiding, Not Coping

Avoidance can look like calm, but in reality it’s anything but. It can provide temporary relief, but the things we avoid don’t go away. Sometimes they can even take on a life of their own.

Signs of avoidance in teens may include:

  • Constantly distracting themselves with screens, music, or social media
  • Changing the subject when difficult topics come up
  • Withdrawing or isolating without explanation
  • Saying “I’m fine” or “I don’t care” without meaningful follow-up
  • Procrastinating on tasks that carry emotional weight (like schoolwork or responsibilities)
  • Using what might seem like good coping strategies–exercising, for example–to extremes or in an unbalanced way.

While avoidance is a natural human response, it becomes a problem when it prevents growth, relationships, or responsibilities from being addressed.

How to Spot the Difference Between Coping and Avoidance

It can be tricky to tell whether your teen is practicing real coping skills or avoiding stress altogether. Here are some signs to look for:

  • Are they making small progress over time? (coping)
  • Are they stuck in repetitive behaviors with no change? (avoidance)
  • Do they reflect on their experiences—even briefly–verbally, through writing, or through movement? (coping)
  • Do they avoid anything connected to stress entirely? (avoidance)
  • Are they willing to talk, even if slowly or reluctantly, to an adult or friend? (coping)

Recognizing these patterns can help you respond with understanding, not frustration.

How Parents Can Support Teen Coping Skills at Home

Teens don’t need perfect parents, but they do need present ones. Here’s how you can help your teen strengthen their coping skills:

  • Model your own coping strategies and articulate them. “I felt overwhelmed, so I took a walk before responding.”
  • Create space for quiet processing. Sometimes silence is part of coping.
  • Ask thoughtful, open-ended questions. “What do you think might help you get through this?”
  • Offer support without solving. Let them try their coping tools, even if they struggle.
  • Ask if they have seen a friend experience the struggle. Help them pull tools from their friend’s experience.
  • Introduce tools gradually, and know that what works for you might not work for them. Not all teens are ready for journaling or meditation right away. Small steps matter.

If your teen consistently avoids emotional conversations, responsibilities, or relationships, it may be time to bring in outside help.

How Teen Forward Helps Teens Build Real Coping Skills

Coaches at Teen Forward help teens develop and practice sustainable coping skills in a safe, supportive environment. Through self-values-based coaching, movement, discussion, and creativity, teens gain strategies to move through the day-to-day experience of adolescence and gain confidence in their ability to manage stress without shutting down.

We also support parents in learning how to reinforce these tools at home. When teens hear consistent messaging from the adults in their lives, they learn to trust those messages and integrate them.

Whether your teen is emotionally overwhelmed, resistant to therapy, or simply unsure how to handle what they’re feeling, we’re here to help them move forward—without fear or shame.

Final Thoughts

Teen coping skills are essential for navigating the challenges of adolescence. Avoidance might look like peace on the surface, but over time, it creates emotional roadblocks.

By learning how to spot the difference—and supporting your teen with patience and trust—you can help them build the resilience they’ll need for the rest of their lives.

Have questions? Want to talk about your specific situation?
Reach out to Dr. Myka for a free consultation

Is It Just Teen Angst–or a Mental Health Concern?

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Why This Question Matters

Teen years are full of emotional ups and downs. One day your child seems confident and lighthearted–the next, they are withdrawn and irritable. As a parent, it’s easy to ask, “Is this just normal teen behavior… or is something deeper going on?”

Understanding the difference between typical adolescent changes and potential teen mental health concerns is essential. Knowing what to look for—and how to respond—can make all the difference in getting your teen the support they need.

What Counts as “Normal” Teen Behavior

Emotional volatility is a hallmark of adolescence. Hormonal shifts, brain development, social pressure, and a growing desire for independence all contribute to what’s often labeled “teen angst.”

Behaviors that are often considered part of normal development include:

  • Wanting more privacy or time alone
  • Pushing back against family rules or expectations
  • Frequent mood swings or irritability
  • Being highly influenced by peer dynamics
  • Being Seeming overwhelmed by small things

While frustrating, these behaviors are common and not necessarily signs of a teen mental health issue.

When It Might Be a Teen Mental Health Concern

Teen mental health struggles can sometimes look like typical teen moodiness—but with important differences. The key is to look at duration, intensity, and impact on daily life.

Here are warning signs that may indicate a mental health concern:

  • Sudden withdrawal from friends or usual activities
  • Constant fatigue, insomnia, or sleeping too much
  • Noticeable changes in appetite or weight
  • Frequent complaints of headaches or stomachaches with no clear cause
  • Ongoing sadness, hopelessness, or a lack of motivation
  • Excessive anxiety, fear, or perfectionism
  • Talk of self-harm or feeling like a burden

If you notice these signs persist for more than a couple of weeks, or if they interfere with your teen’s ability to function in daily life, it’s time to pay closer attention.

What You Can Do if You’re Concerned

If you’re unsure whether your teen’s behavior is part of a normal phase or a sign of a deeper issue, you’re not alone. Many parents struggle with this question.

Start with observation and gentle check-ins:

  • Take note of what you’re seeing and when it began
  • Ask open-ended questions like, “How have you been feeling lately?” or “Is there something you’ve been holding in?”
  • Avoid criticism or overreacting—create space for your teen to feel safe opening up

If you’re still concerned, reach out to a professional. Teen mental health challenges are best supported early. A therapist or coach can help clarify what’s going on and recommend the right path forward.

Coaching vs. Therapy: What’s the Difference?

Therapy is often the best choice when your teen needs a formal diagnosis, medication management, or treatment for trauma, depression, or other mental health disorders.

Coaching, like what we offer at Teen Forward, is ideal for teens who may not need therapy but still need guidance, tools, and support. It’s especially helpful for teens navigating self-esteem issues, transitions, academic stress, or social challenges.

Coaching can also be an option if your teen is resistant to therapy. If you have tried therapy and it’s not enough, or if your teen refuses to see a therapist, coaching can be an alternative to pursue.

How Teen Forward Supports Teen Mental Health

At Teen Forward, we take a whole-person approach to teen mental health. While we do not provide therapy or clinical diagnoses, we help teens build emotional resilience, improve communication, and strengthen their inner agency and identity.

Our coaching programs offer a safe, structured space for teens to:

  • Practice coping strategies in real-life situations
  • Reflect on their emotions and behavior without judgment
  • Develop practical tools for managing stress and anxiety
  • Build relationships with adults who believe in their potential

We also support parents through our Family Forward program so they can show up more calmly and confidently for their teen.

If you’re not sure whether coaching is the right fit, we’re happy to talk. Schedule a discovery call and let’s explore what kind of support your family needs right now.

You Know Your Teen Best

You don’t need to be a mental health expert to know when something’s off. If you’re wondering whether your teen is just having a hard day—or struggling with something deeper—trust your instincts.

Supporting teen mental health starts with awareness, curiosity, and a willingness to show up. You’re not alone, and your teen doesn’t have to face it alone either.

 

 

Parenting by Committee: The Blessing and Burden of Facebook Mom Groups

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Parenting by Committee: The Blessing and Burden of Facebook Mom Groups

I saw this post in a mom group the other day, and it raised my blood pressure–but not for the reason you might think. Do I think this mom should let her kiddo go on the field trip? Sure. But that’s a small detail compared to the rest of the post.

When I took this screenshot, it had been up for 2 hours. In two hours, 309 people offered commentary on this question. The question, remember, is, “would I be a bad mom if…”

There are laughing AND crying emojis.
And I don’t probably need to tell you about the tone of some of the comments.

Why am I sharing this? Because Facebook mom groups are a part of mom life for many of us.

Let’s be honest—parenting can feel really lonely. And not just in the “no one’s helping me unload the dishwasher” kind of way. I’m talking about the emotional, identity-shifting, mind-spinning aloneness that can come with being responsible for tiny humans who don’t come with instruction manuals.

So it makes sense that so many moms turn to online spaces, especially Facebook mom groups, looking for community, reassurance, and advice. In fact, these groups often serve as virtual lifelines—offering solidarity at 2 a.m. when the baby won’t sleep, or quick input when you’re wondering if that rash needs a doctor or just more Aquaphor.

And let’s be clear: these communities can be a godsend. There’s something powerful about knowing you’re not the only one who yelled today, cried in the car, or gave the kids cereal for dinner (again). In moments like that, online mom groups remind us that we’re human—and that we’re not alone.

But here’s the thing…

Sometimes, what starts as a search for connection becomes an unintended source of stress. Maybe you post a question about sleep training, screen time, or how to handle a tough situation with your teen. Within minutes, you’re flooded with responses—some thoughtful and kind, others harsh or judgmental.

Suddenly, you’re questioning your instincts, your values, and maybe even your worth as a mom.

And that’s where we run into the shadow side of “parenting by committee.”

Too Many Voices, Not Enough Confidence

There’s a reason why this feels so overwhelming. The human nervous system doesn’t love uncertainty—and when you’re in a vulnerable or stressed state, your brain is already on high alert. Throw in hundreds of conflicting opinions, unsolicited advice, or outright criticism, and your body can interpret that as threat.

This isn’t just a feeling—it’s physiological. When our choices as parents are challenged, especially in public or semi-public ways, it can trigger a stress response: fight, flight, or freeze. We may feel defensive, anxious, ashamed—or completely paralyzed about what to do next.

According to a 2022 study published in JMIR Mental Health, moms who frequently used social media for parenting advice were more likely to experience symptoms of anxiety and feel less confident in their parenting decisions. Another study from the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that online mom groups could amplify pressure to be a “perfect parent,” especially when mothers felt judged or invalidated by others in the group.

So, What Do We Do With That?

I’m not here to tell you to leave all Facebook groups and go it alone. Community matters. Shared experience matters. But we have to be mindful about how we use these spaces—and how we’re being impacted.

Here are a few gentle questions to consider the next time you feel tempted to post:

  • Am I looking for advice, or am I actually needing emotional support?

  • What do I already know or feel about this situation?

  • Will reading 200 opinions help me get clearer—or leave me more confused?

  • Is there a person I trust (a friend, professional, or mentor) who I could talk to directly?

And if you’ve ever felt gutted after reading the comment section, please know—you’re not alone, and you’re not a bad mom. You’re just a mom trying to make the best decisions for your unique child and family. And no Facebook algorithm knows them better than you do.

Let’s Parent With Community—Not by Committee

At the end of the day, parenting isn’t a popularity contest. It’s a deeply personal journey—one that’s enriched by connection, but not defined by consensus.

So let’s keep showing up for each other with empathy. Let’s build villages, not tribunals. And let’s remember: your inner voice is just as important—maybe more important—than the loudest one online.

Have you ever felt the double-edged sword of Facebook mom groups? I’d love to hear your experience—or help you connect more deeply to your own parenting compass. Reach out or drop a comment below. You’re doing better than you think.

My Journey to Healing

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If you’ve found your way here, you might be wondering any of the following:

Who is Myka Hanson?
What is a somatic consultant?
What can Myka do for me?
What qualifications does Myka have?

The short answer is: I’m a 43 year old woman, wife, and stepmother living in Minnesota. I have a BA in English and Secondary Education, a MA in Special Education, a MA in Depth Psychology with a specialization in Somatic Studies, and I am currently a Ph.D. candidate at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Depth Psychology and Somatic Studies. I am a certified yoga instructor (RYT-500), a certified cognitive coach, and a level one certified Dream Tender.

I’ve spent the majority of my adult life in the classroom, teaching 11-12th grade English, teaching yoga, helping teachers become better teachers, and being a student myself. Five years ago, I hit a road bump. I found myself in a day program for Anorexia Nervosa, an illness I had struggled with for years but had never had the courage to face or address. After four months in treatment, I began to reexamine how I saw myself and what aspects of my life I wanted to change.

I moved to Santa Barbara, California, and I started my life over again. A complete restart was what I needed, and it worked. I embraced my intelligence and identity as an academic and a scholar. I began to study trauma and trauma scholarship from a depth psychological perspective. My program specialized in Somatic Studies, the study of the connection between the body and the mind. Somatics brings the body back to center and honors the body’s intelligence.

Did I mention that, when I began the program, I couldn’t feel my body? Like, if someone asked me if I had arms, unless my arm was resting on something and I could feel the resistance, I didn’t feel that I had arms. Or legs. Or a head. In the last three years, I have taken millions of baby steps to learn how to feel my body, and, today, I have a beautiful, subtle awareness of my fingers, toes, arms, and legs!

As a somatic consultant, it’s my mission and duty to help people bridge the closed off pathways between the body and the mind in order to live the best, most magnificent life possible. As a consultant, I have a vast arsenal of knowledge to share, whether your concern is personal or professional, for you or for a family member or friend. We work together to create a road map for your best future.

I am not a licensed therapist. I don’t accept clients for therapeutic modalities, though I am happy to refer you to therapists with whom I’ve worked and can recommend.

If you’re curious about how I might help you, shoot me an email or see my FAQ which outlines specific types of people I work with well. The bottom line is, if you want to improve your connection to your body and see how that can enhance your life, I’m here to help you along the way!